The Christmas Letter 2011

In the interest of “equal time”, I thought I’d give poor Dan a rest this Christmas, and tell a little tale on myself. Picture this: I walked in the house one night, carrying all the day’s Christmas packages to hide in my closet. It’s dark, but I don’t have a free hand to flip on a light. Suddenly, I see a flash of light out of the corner of my eye. I turned quickly to the right…but didn’t see anything. I stopped dead in my tracks and waited. A little scared. What the heck was it?

Again! I saw the flash of light again out of the corner of my eye! This time it seemed to be coming from inside Dan’s closet. “Is there a burglar in there? Crap!” I quickly turned to the right, stopped and stared. Waiting. Still holding all my packages in the dark. Nothing. Then suddenly, I saw the flash of light again out of the corner of my eye. I spun again to the right. It was in the bathroom, I thought. “Could a lightning bug be trapped in the house?” I waited. Nothing.

I gulped, and finally got up the nerve to step inside the bathroom to confront whatever this light-flashing monster was. And that’s where I saw my reflection in the mirror. Yep. In my right ear, was my cell phone’s Bluetooth earpiece, that apparently flashes a light once a minute or so. I had been turning to the right like a dang puppy chasing its tail, and the light was attached to the side of my head!

I thought for a moment how lucky I was that no one had seen that display of “blonde-ness”. But then it dawned on me that the best Christmas present I could give Dan this year was some self-admission in the Christmas letter.

I know you’re still curious about Dan though. He has been…shall we say…”predictable” this year. I tried to broaden his horizons. Hey, I even tried out a new recipe on him! It was zucchini sauteed with onion, dill, and a can of corn. Easy, peasy…sounds delish. As I served the dish, I explained that we were “trying new things,” and that if there was some element of it that he didn’t like, we could always “tweak” the recipe. (And yes, I used “air quotes” when explaining this to him).

So, he tried it, making that serious little tester-face he makes. And I could tell we were going downhill fast. I interjected (trying to save the situation), “Don’t forget…we can ‘tweak’ the recipe.”

Well, God bless him, Dan suggested that next time, I “tweak” the recipe by taking out the zucchini, onions, and dill. I said, “Uh…okaaaaay. So you basically just want me to open a can of corn, and serve that?”

“Exactly.”

Ahhhhh…there’s just something about his predictability that somehow makes me feel all warm and fuzzy. And we both hope you have a warm and fuzzy Christmas, and a very Happy New Year!

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